Reinvention...

...for Knots in the String...

Last week I talked via email with a subscriber, and she mentioned that on becoming a widow, she was ‘reinventing herself’ (with courage, I might add) and I wondered how many times in life we actually do reinvent ourselves, either by accident or design.

In my own case, my first reinvention was in my early 20’s. I didn’t mind being on radio but I was more or less drafted into TV and one didn’t argue with one’s boss in the 70’s. I hated it and it scarred me for life, but them’s the breaks, I guess, and so I moved on to the next reinvention (with relief), which was pregnancy and birth.

There were several reinventions as motherhood progressed because I had to grow with the children and slowly move myself onto the edges of adult society again. But when the children finally reached an age when mum was no longer needed, it coincided with mind-altering menopause. I wondered who I was, as I had been so invested in my job as a mother that I really was defined by it. It was a tough puzzle to rebuild myself for me, particularly when I really wasn’t sure what ‘me’ stood for.

But by this time I was writing fiction more and more, having written ‘stories’ since I was a child. I worked with Cornerstones Literary Consultancy UK on a fiction concept for 3 years and they polished my writing to such a level that I began to have a small degree of confidence in what I was turning out. They encouraged me to join a peer review site and it was meeting fellow writers there, critiquing work and driving myself on that led to the next reinvention.

The review site moved into publishing, fully believing in the quality of its writers (this was a UK Arts Council initiative) and knowing full well how narrow mainstream- publishing gatekeepers were in thinking outside the box. A number of highly successful writers (and me) were published on that first wave, and we’ve remained friends within the industry ever since.

But for my first novel to roll off the press, this was perhaps the next reinvention. I needed reconstructive surgery of the most complex kind, one where I could pimp my novels and market myself, which for an introvert, is no easy thing.

Two creative friends in the USA suggested we jointly have a Masked Ball on line (!!!!) to raise my profile, and we managed it – music, dances, prizes, a serialised story written by all the guests and all done in the middle of a southern hemisphere night because Australia was in the wrong time-zone. But it went gang-busters, gave me readers and a little more self-belief. With each novel, the writer incarnation was fine-tuned as I continued to write (and see the outcomes published).

That was the public reinvention.

On a more private level there was the death of my beloved father so that I became Mum’s ongoing support. The death of my oldest friend, which taught me that no one, regardless of age, is immortal and that Time is more precious than we can ever realise. The death of my mum (seven years now and I still ache with the loss)…

I was now the mother creature in our little clan, the ‘next in the front pew’ as an acquaintance said, and that required some readjustment.

I was age-ing.

What to do, as I had absolutely no intention of subsiding into Old Age.

Enter the next change…

I went to ballet class. Something not new to me – a lifelong balletomane and erratic student.

But my body improved with consistency, I made lifelong friends who are kindred spirits, and I appeared in two ballet concerts in two years! If you knew me and my foibles, you would know that this was a radical reinvention, but by the stars did it gave me strength to move on with life!

Reinvention of Self

True bliss comes
in reinvention of the self,
when zero
expectations are held.

Yet you still
have full faith
in the numerous
possibilities that await.

Michelle Alba 2019

My Time:

1.     Ballet. More complex every week.

2.     Family Easter preparations – planning, buying food, chocolate eggs and rabbits, thinking that a sleep-in looks good…

3.     Gardening – we’re currently in our little city Matchbox and the garden has had no love for 4 months so we have weeded, mulched, trimmed hedges, washed and scrubbed paths, cut back shrubs, planned winter planting. All in 24 hours! But this little place is now looking loved again.

4.     Visited my Sports Med specialist physician – a rolling battery of treatment because I want to keep moving.

Reading:

Matthew Harffy as per last week.

This month’s Australian Country Style and enjoyed the article and images about the couple who bought our old family home, The Millington House, and renovated it with such elegance and élan. Their effortless style is enviable. (Please note the alliteration in that sentence!)

Also read and enjoyed some Substacks. I think you might too.

Listening:

Did I Ever Tell You This, Sam Neill’s memoir. I have the odd chuckle. He’s very dry, self-deprecating and so very ANZ (Australian-New Zealander). Because he’s from our geographic region, I can relate so well. There’s nothing like ANZ humour.

Spotify – the scores of Don Quixote, Swan Lake (there’s a Spanish dance in SW) and any other Spanish ballet music I can find…

Watching:

Michael Palin’s Iraq – excellent and so damning of war. But as I saw the damage revealed in Mosul, I reflected that Ukraine looks as bad, if not worse, and when will it all end?

Alone Australia. Tasmania is tough!

Treason. Pretty good spy thriller on Netflix.

Rogue Heroes. Yet to be convinced – satirical but as real and ugly as it probably was in Tobruk and Africa.

Grand Designs New Zealand. We both enjoy all Grand Designs (UK, Aus and NZ) but TBH, there’s something majestic and breathtaking about all the building sites in NZ!

As we move into the fourth month of the year, I muse that life is a series of remodels, transformations, changes – hopefully all to the good, and we have to be open to making those changes because sometimes we need to. Besides, you never know where it might lead you…

And in the light of renovation, reinvention and change, I looked for suitable music and this week came up with Eric Clapton. I chose this particular clip of Change the World (and by association one’s own little world) because I love the super cool instrumental opening and the way it eases into vocals so calmly. Enjoy…

Oh, and Happy Easter Holidays!