I know what you mean Prue, I thought that was a great film with Billy Connolly, something I could imagine him doing. But as dying by water or fire are my two greatest feats I'll give it a miss. I'd prefer a naturalistic funeral and be buried in a nice field, there's there's few places that do that. I'd like Flower of Scotland at my funeral and Wild Mountain Thyme. ( Both by The Corries) I'd rather have a tree instead of a headstone. Hopefully it won't be for a few years yet.
Beautiful choices, Libby. My daughter told me of Natural Funerals where one is buried and a tree is planted so that one is inevitably in the clasp of the roots of beautiful tree. Stunning memorial.
Actually, given the price of flowers I think I'd welcome donations to a cause. But then as everything about my passing will be private, it would be a 'very much after the event' thing.
Oh Prue. These are wonderful. Death management is so particular for every family, every soul. Our family has VERY private, tiny little, heartfelt funerals. And we know from experience that death is definitely not the end. There’s not much at all between us and those who have passed.
I adore both those clips. What a healthy way to celebrate the return of the bodies to earth’s embrace. And how cool are those Viking vessels!! So well-priced too! I think when we hear that you have left us, I might come down to your part of the world and gaze out to sea at sunset, knowing that even though we have never met in real life, that you will know me and I will know you. (I’m in tears at the thought. If you’ve just felt a tug from afar, it’s me!)
Take care dear Prue. Thank you so much for this moving and memorable post. Hugs my dear.
My husband says I won't need a eulogy at my funeral - he'll just hand a link to my blog out to everyone, because my whole life is pretty much on it :D
I've chosen my music and, like you, I'd like my funeral to be small and simple with very little fuss. My DIL says we're the only family she knows who chat about death and funerals or crack little jokes over my mum's eventual passing. Life's for the living, and death is just a bow tied on the end before we step into eternity....
That's quite funny and my family could probably do the same, with me having been 'on air' as it were, since the early 2000's. But as it will be a micro-funeral when it happens, and they'll be the only ones there, they know me well enough - no eulogy required. Just a couple of blessings and a song and that's it! Until the scattering or burning (Viking-style) of the ashes. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum perhaps? Or Captain Pugwash's theme?
I think it's reassuring, to be able to laugh about it all. It normalises it and as with Ray Martin's excellent documentary, demystifies it.
i love all of this Prue, I so wish my husband would talk about death, dying, wishes and such, but nope. I think he is scared, emotions are scary for him, so i shall be making a detailed note for my children to follow. I would love to have a natural burial, wrapped in one of my handmade blankets, but i'm not sure that's an option here yet. I want it to be cheap, as environmentally friendly as possible and i don't want anyone making a greedy profit out of my death. I'd love my family to wash and prepare my body, but I'm not sure any of them will be up for that. I hope we all get to stick around for quite awhile longer, but also being prepared in no way makes life shorter.
I came across MaryEleanor.com.au which is about the most real and natural group I can find in Tasmania, Kate. I suspect they're statewide, even though based down south. They may be open to negotiation on the handmade blanket. It certainly doesn't seem illegal. Their website reads quite well.
I had a close friend with whom I used to embroider and she always said she wanted to create her own shroud and for our group to embroider it with things that reminded us of her. Sadly she died after a brief and unsuspected illness , so there was no time.
You know, we make babies' blankets, so why not beautifully crafted personal rugs for the end? A million choices...
After my mother died several years ago, the family gathered to scatter her ashes at the head of the cove where they lived. My sister thought it to be a tribute to her to use one of her lovely wooden spoons as a scoop...unfortunately she chose the slotted spoon! Through laughter, tears and sharing a bag of Werther's butterscotch candies, we celebrated the lovely, gracious woman she was. When my father passed ,we begged my sister to leave all wooden kitchen implements at home!
I so love these sort of stories, Susan. That one is delightful!
I recall a friend of ours wanted to be scattered at a lighthouse and on the journey, his urn lay on the back seat of his close friend's car. Going round a corner, the urn fell on the floor. Friend stopped the car, retrieved the urn only to find it felt blazing hot to the touch. Friend decided deceased friend was angry at style of driving and rolling off the seat, so the urn was kept strapped in the front seat.
When the light house was reached, the urn had settled to a companionable warmth and so friend, happy with calmness of day, climbed to the lighthouse, scattered the ash which floated gently on the breeze.
After the scattering, the friend went down to the cove to wade through the water and found to his dismay that said ash had floated back in on incoming tide and was lining the shore. He forbore to touch any of it, afraid his fingers would be burned, muttered his apologies and headed for the car and home, but with an empty urn strapped into the passenger's seat beside him. True story.
What a wonderful discussion of death. I agree with simple and cheap, and as environmentally friendly as possible. My father donated all his organs to a local medical school which I loved and hope to do the same. It made for a simple gathering for those who wanted to attend; we could focus on sharing stories of his life and not on the disposal of a body. I'm not too fussed about what the gathering of family and friends should include for me: It will be helpful to have the manner of how my body should be dealt with organised ahead of time; thanks for the reminder of that. But I do believe that whatever ceremony or gathering they may organise, is for the living not for the deceased, so they should make it meaningful for them.
I always love how you go right to the heart of the matter without a lot of faffing.
Both my husband and self are organ donors as well, Sabrina. It's on our drivers' licences and we've also registered. Let's face it, they won't be of much use to us, will they?
It's true about the Gathering being for the living, which is why they must do what is right for them. I'll be gone, so will you, so it matters little to us beyond the thought that they deal with any grief in the best way for them.
Thanks for the compliment too - I abhor faff. That said, next week's post might just be the ultimate in faff if I use it. XXXX
I remain fascinated with how similar we are Prue AND especially since this was on your mind this week. (When your read my latest, you will understand :)
I cannot get over your pic of that cemetery that you've included - is it an ancient one? We visited a very old cemetery in Newfoundland and they are beautiful BUT for me, the ideal reminder that no one was there for decades AND I would not want/expect anyone to visit. Your mum's deck chair idea was very funny but I still teared up over Billy Connolly - perhaps because I am still not feeling 100%
I have heard that you can get cheap-o cardboard coffins at Costco - the ultimate!
I have always liked the idea of a tree very much. Your Pa sounds very lovely and such a tribute to him.
Hi Sue, my poor sick girl! I DO understand what you mean now.
The cemetery in the image is the huge Sydney one called Waverley. Renowned for its views over the ocean, it dates from convict times and settlement. The brochure reads: "The heritage-listed cemetery is perched on top of the Bronte cliffs overlooking the Tasman Sea. Waverley offers funeral and burial services with beautiful oceanic surroundings."
Cor! Costco caskets. Imagine walking out with THAT in your supermarket trolley!
My Pa was an interesting man. Could never understand why I went to uni when all I needed was to learn to boil water. Treated his daughters as the sons he wished he'd had. (He was always there for them when they needed him though). It's Pa's purchase of a tranch of land on the coast in the 1920's that led to we Boomers having a godgiven Swallows and Amazons life from the 50's on. For that I will always remember him, even if he could never remember my name. Nor any of his other grandchildren. The females were always 'Duck', and the males 'Cock'. I daresay THAT will make it into a book one day!
Get well, rest, eat comfor t food and hydrate reguarly! XXXX
Prue what fascinating tidbits in this paragraph!!!
And not to be disrespectful but it's a bit funny in a Pythonesque kind of way that the cemetery is boasting oceanic views, isn't it? Haha.
Yes your Pa was shrewd with his purchase for sure but a bit sad about the names thing!! I am greatly cheered by reading all this though and will look forward to reading the book!
Another touching Knot in your string, Prue. I want to be cremated and my ashes spread in the Scottish Highlands where my family comes from. No funeral home, no fuss. I would like my family to get together at a nice restaurant, enjoy a good meal and talk about their crazy old Mum :) and the adventures we had over the years. Happy tears only - I love the life I'm living and wouldn't change anything. They think I should write a book about it but I'm too busy enjoying my mature years - worked long and hard to get here LOL I do like the idea of a Viking funeral as I love the sea.
That sounds wonderful, Judy. I'm so appreciative of everyone opening up about what they would like and what they think.
I can imagine my mother shaking her head as in her day, talking about such things would have been very frowned upon.
I'm glad you're enjoying life - I think when we reach the latter years, after working hard, struggling to support children to adulthood, and managing things like family crises and menopause, we SO deserve to enjoy our time.
Honestly, these are my best years and it sounds as if they're yours too.
Oh Prue, such a poignant and important read! Just wonderful.
I've grateful that all of the funerals I've been to have lifted my spirits in a time of grief, yet I always leave a funeral feeling sad that I hadn't known for myself the wonderful things I'd only just learned about the person we'd said goodbye to.
A treasured family friend, now gone, lost his elderly wife, and they'd both wanted no service whatsoever. Friends and family respected and honoured that decision, which was absolutely right for them.
Grandma's funeral was a very small, intimate do, and the celebrant had misunderstood something we'd told him about her. 'She used to turn cartwheels out of sheer exuberance!' he told us earnestly, and was absolutely mortified when all nine attendees immediately dissolved into laughter. She'd been witnessed turning a cartwheel just the once, to celebrate a very specific occasion, but that part of the story had fallen by the wayside. Grandma, too, would have laughed and laughed at having been misconstrued as a habitual gymnast! 🤣
Love the thought of Grandma turning even ONE cartwheel, let alone perpetually exuberant ones. I am so delighted to hear everyone's very individual and let it be said, private views of what they've experienced or what they would like when comes the time.
Goodness, what an interesting life you’ve had Prue! With so many early experiences with death, it seems quite amazing that you carried such an optimistic outlook throughout your life!
I really appreciate your sharing your plans for when you’ve “shuffled off the mortal coil”—is that the phrase? It really inspired me regarding my own preferences when my time comes: like you, private and simple. I will to add a note to my Advanced Directive!
Prue, thank you for this, for the bravery of writing it, for the clarity of thought, for the ideas and practicality. As so often happens, there are synchronicities here for me. I've got a draft going on death and dying, taken from a different angle but still... Maybe it's universally relevant at our ages?
My vision has always been a pine box and whatever piece of earth is accessible, but I realize that plants me in a place that may not be accessible to my kids (if they even want access!). That choice is driven largely by cost. Embalming is not required here in MD, so just wrap me in flowers or fabrics, sing, drink, eat, and know that I'm already planting seeds wherever I've arrived.
My husband wants a funeral pyre, not unlike your Viking Funeral but a little harder to manage from a regulatory perspective.
When we lost our precious pets, three to euthanasia, two without, we spent time with them before putting them in the earth. It gave us time to cry, to separate, to see that the vessels were now empty. It sounds horrifying in a world where we are so carefully shielded from death, but I'm convinced that was part of the beauty of the wake.
As whatever happens is for those present, not departed, I'm okay with whatever makes everyone else happy. Ha -- that's funny, right? I'm gone. Be happy! But there must be singing!
I like that you have a clear vision of what you want and that you stress happiness for those left behind. You're so right, what does a ceremony matter to us? We'll be gone. It's all for the loved ones.
My Viking funeral is of course, not possible. It's against the law. So I'm stuck with cremation but I would dearly love my ashes scattered at sea, in a bay that my family knows I love. Or, if I learn to basket weave, to craft a small Viking boat and re-burn my ashes the Viking way. I do have some lovely music I might list, and as for any wake, they must do what they want. As you say, please be happy. I want them to know that my life was everything I could want and more, that they provided the soft threads of love and their very being took those threads and wove them into a cloak of the finest kind that I wore every day.
Well that was a very interesting read and lots of my thoughts put into words. Death is closer than I would like it to be and have already told my family no funeral. I don't want the big expensive show for everyone to be sad. Get them to take me away, cardboard coffin, cremate me and then have a celebration of life. Although if I'm well enough I would like a Departing party before I go :) My daughter wrote down some of my favourite music last week (mainly 60's soul )
Im ok talking about it. I too have seen a lot of death and no longer fear it. It's usually other people that won't talk about it, but I gently bring it up, to prepare them for the inevitable. I'm not all doom and gloom. At the moment I cannot l walk far, so just got my self a gopher and Im loving it. Even though it's way before my time, Im way too young for one, I'm going to enjoy every minute. I don't go as fast as all those old people speeding around , they fly past me :)
Sometimes it takes me a long time to get to my emails , but always enjoy reading your stories. Thank-you Prue
Maree, I hope you are still okay - you sound as if you still have plenty of spark for which I'm delighted.
I do think the idea of a celebration of life party is a good idea. Here, they call it a Living Wake. My Father-in-Law had one and he wasn't even ill but he was getting old and I think wanted to just celebrate with his remaining friends and with his family and just being alive. Perversely, it wasn't long after that he had a fatal heart attack in his car, driving across the paddock to the shearing shed. So his timing could be claimed to be spot-on.
I LOVE the idea of a gopher. I've told my kids I will have anything and everything to keep me mobile and outside. I've already used my mother's walker on three separate and critical occasions. It was WONDERFUL!
Thank you for reading my posts, Maree. I'm grateful to you for that and for taking the time to comment. Keep on keeping on! XXXX
Hi Prue and thank you for your kind words. Im very slowly improving my energy levels , there is a long way to go. I'm still in hope of a cure for my rare blood cancer. Im loving my gopher, not sure why my Mum is refusing to use one:) I'll definitely use any means possible to keep me going.
What a great idea for the Living Wake, I might have to consider that.
So nice that your Father-in Law got to celebrate with friends before he went upstairs.
I must watch that Ray Martin show ... note to self. Well, we have something else in common - my grandfather was a funeral director too in a small country town near the Victorian border. He was also the town builder so my father always joked that he dealt with accommodation both in the now and the after.
Funny how carpenter/builders are the local funeral directors. Goes with the territory, I guess. And someone's got to do it.
Mind you, these days, with more natural funerals, direct commitals and cremations, I guess the demographic is changing quite radically. In a strange way, I find it all quite fascinating...
What does that say about me?
Do watch the Ray Martin doco, it's quite good and will prompt thoughts.
I know what you mean Prue, I thought that was a great film with Billy Connolly, something I could imagine him doing. But as dying by water or fire are my two greatest feats I'll give it a miss. I'd prefer a naturalistic funeral and be buried in a nice field, there's there's few places that do that. I'd like Flower of Scotland at my funeral and Wild Mountain Thyme. ( Both by The Corries) I'd rather have a tree instead of a headstone. Hopefully it won't be for a few years yet.
Beautiful choices, Libby. My daughter told me of Natural Funerals where one is buried and a tree is planted so that one is inevitably in the clasp of the roots of beautiful tree. Stunning memorial.
I hate wreaths too. If people would like to send flowers I'd rather flowers from their gardens or seasonal flowers foilage.
Actually, given the price of flowers I think I'd welcome donations to a cause. But then as everything about my passing will be private, it would be a 'very much after the event' thing.
I agree Prue, I'd prefer donations too xx
Oh Prue. These are wonderful. Death management is so particular for every family, every soul. Our family has VERY private, tiny little, heartfelt funerals. And we know from experience that death is definitely not the end. There’s not much at all between us and those who have passed.
I adore both those clips. What a healthy way to celebrate the return of the bodies to earth’s embrace. And how cool are those Viking vessels!! So well-priced too! I think when we hear that you have left us, I might come down to your part of the world and gaze out to sea at sunset, knowing that even though we have never met in real life, that you will know me and I will know you. (I’m in tears at the thought. If you’ve just felt a tug from afar, it’s me!)
Take care dear Prue. Thank you so much for this moving and memorable post. Hugs my dear.
My husband says I won't need a eulogy at my funeral - he'll just hand a link to my blog out to everyone, because my whole life is pretty much on it :D
I've chosen my music and, like you, I'd like my funeral to be small and simple with very little fuss. My DIL says we're the only family she knows who chat about death and funerals or crack little jokes over my mum's eventual passing. Life's for the living, and death is just a bow tied on the end before we step into eternity....
That's quite funny and my family could probably do the same, with me having been 'on air' as it were, since the early 2000's. But as it will be a micro-funeral when it happens, and they'll be the only ones there, they know me well enough - no eulogy required. Just a couple of blessings and a song and that's it! Until the scattering or burning (Viking-style) of the ashes. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum perhaps? Or Captain Pugwash's theme?
I think it's reassuring, to be able to laugh about it all. It normalises it and as with Ray Martin's excellent documentary, demystifies it.
I laughed about your husband handing out a link to your blog! Now *that’s* a simple, no-fuss funeral!
Hi Susan - he feels like it'd be cutting out the middle man :D
i love all of this Prue, I so wish my husband would talk about death, dying, wishes and such, but nope. I think he is scared, emotions are scary for him, so i shall be making a detailed note for my children to follow. I would love to have a natural burial, wrapped in one of my handmade blankets, but i'm not sure that's an option here yet. I want it to be cheap, as environmentally friendly as possible and i don't want anyone making a greedy profit out of my death. I'd love my family to wash and prepare my body, but I'm not sure any of them will be up for that. I hope we all get to stick around for quite awhile longer, but also being prepared in no way makes life shorter.
I applaud your approach, Kate.
I came across MaryEleanor.com.au which is about the most real and natural group I can find in Tasmania, Kate. I suspect they're statewide, even though based down south. They may be open to negotiation on the handmade blanket. It certainly doesn't seem illegal. Their website reads quite well.
I had a close friend with whom I used to embroider and she always said she wanted to create her own shroud and for our group to embroider it with things that reminded us of her. Sadly she died after a brief and unsuspected illness , so there was no time.
You know, we make babies' blankets, so why not beautifully crafted personal rugs for the end? A million choices...
thanks for the link, i shall check them out
After my mother died several years ago, the family gathered to scatter her ashes at the head of the cove where they lived. My sister thought it to be a tribute to her to use one of her lovely wooden spoons as a scoop...unfortunately she chose the slotted spoon! Through laughter, tears and sharing a bag of Werther's butterscotch candies, we celebrated the lovely, gracious woman she was. When my father passed ,we begged my sister to leave all wooden kitchen implements at home!
I so love these sort of stories, Susan. That one is delightful!
I recall a friend of ours wanted to be scattered at a lighthouse and on the journey, his urn lay on the back seat of his close friend's car. Going round a corner, the urn fell on the floor. Friend stopped the car, retrieved the urn only to find it felt blazing hot to the touch. Friend decided deceased friend was angry at style of driving and rolling off the seat, so the urn was kept strapped in the front seat.
When the light house was reached, the urn had settled to a companionable warmth and so friend, happy with calmness of day, climbed to the lighthouse, scattered the ash which floated gently on the breeze.
After the scattering, the friend went down to the cove to wade through the water and found to his dismay that said ash had floated back in on incoming tide and was lining the shore. He forbore to touch any of it, afraid his fingers would be burned, muttered his apologies and headed for the car and home, but with an empty urn strapped into the passenger's seat beside him. True story.
What a wonderful discussion of death. I agree with simple and cheap, and as environmentally friendly as possible. My father donated all his organs to a local medical school which I loved and hope to do the same. It made for a simple gathering for those who wanted to attend; we could focus on sharing stories of his life and not on the disposal of a body. I'm not too fussed about what the gathering of family and friends should include for me: It will be helpful to have the manner of how my body should be dealt with organised ahead of time; thanks for the reminder of that. But I do believe that whatever ceremony or gathering they may organise, is for the living not for the deceased, so they should make it meaningful for them.
I always love how you go right to the heart of the matter without a lot of faffing.
Yes, you are so right! Sans Faff is always the best way to go!
Both my husband and self are organ donors as well, Sabrina. It's on our drivers' licences and we've also registered. Let's face it, they won't be of much use to us, will they?
It's true about the Gathering being for the living, which is why they must do what is right for them. I'll be gone, so will you, so it matters little to us beyond the thought that they deal with any grief in the best way for them.
Thanks for the compliment too - I abhor faff. That said, next week's post might just be the ultimate in faff if I use it. XXXX
I remain fascinated with how similar we are Prue AND especially since this was on your mind this week. (When your read my latest, you will understand :)
I cannot get over your pic of that cemetery that you've included - is it an ancient one? We visited a very old cemetery in Newfoundland and they are beautiful BUT for me, the ideal reminder that no one was there for decades AND I would not want/expect anyone to visit. Your mum's deck chair idea was very funny but I still teared up over Billy Connolly - perhaps because I am still not feeling 100%
I have heard that you can get cheap-o cardboard coffins at Costco - the ultimate!
I have always liked the idea of a tree very much. Your Pa sounds very lovely and such a tribute to him.
Hi Sue, my poor sick girl! I DO understand what you mean now.
The cemetery in the image is the huge Sydney one called Waverley. Renowned for its views over the ocean, it dates from convict times and settlement. The brochure reads: "The heritage-listed cemetery is perched on top of the Bronte cliffs overlooking the Tasman Sea. Waverley offers funeral and burial services with beautiful oceanic surroundings."
Cor! Costco caskets. Imagine walking out with THAT in your supermarket trolley!
My Pa was an interesting man. Could never understand why I went to uni when all I needed was to learn to boil water. Treated his daughters as the sons he wished he'd had. (He was always there for them when they needed him though). It's Pa's purchase of a tranch of land on the coast in the 1920's that led to we Boomers having a godgiven Swallows and Amazons life from the 50's on. For that I will always remember him, even if he could never remember my name. Nor any of his other grandchildren. The females were always 'Duck', and the males 'Cock'. I daresay THAT will make it into a book one day!
Get well, rest, eat comfor t food and hydrate reguarly! XXXX
Prue what fascinating tidbits in this paragraph!!!
And not to be disrespectful but it's a bit funny in a Pythonesque kind of way that the cemetery is boasting oceanic views, isn't it? Haha.
Yes your Pa was shrewd with his purchase for sure but a bit sad about the names thing!! I am greatly cheered by reading all this though and will look forward to reading the book!
Another touching Knot in your string, Prue. I want to be cremated and my ashes spread in the Scottish Highlands where my family comes from. No funeral home, no fuss. I would like my family to get together at a nice restaurant, enjoy a good meal and talk about their crazy old Mum :) and the adventures we had over the years. Happy tears only - I love the life I'm living and wouldn't change anything. They think I should write a book about it but I'm too busy enjoying my mature years - worked long and hard to get here LOL I do like the idea of a Viking funeral as I love the sea.
Judy
That sounds wonderful, Judy. I'm so appreciative of everyone opening up about what they would like and what they think.
I can imagine my mother shaking her head as in her day, talking about such things would have been very frowned upon.
I'm glad you're enjoying life - I think when we reach the latter years, after working hard, struggling to support children to adulthood, and managing things like family crises and menopause, we SO deserve to enjoy our time.
Honestly, these are my best years and it sounds as if they're yours too.
Oh Prue, such a poignant and important read! Just wonderful.
I've grateful that all of the funerals I've been to have lifted my spirits in a time of grief, yet I always leave a funeral feeling sad that I hadn't known for myself the wonderful things I'd only just learned about the person we'd said goodbye to.
A treasured family friend, now gone, lost his elderly wife, and they'd both wanted no service whatsoever. Friends and family respected and honoured that decision, which was absolutely right for them.
Grandma's funeral was a very small, intimate do, and the celebrant had misunderstood something we'd told him about her. 'She used to turn cartwheels out of sheer exuberance!' he told us earnestly, and was absolutely mortified when all nine attendees immediately dissolved into laughter. She'd been witnessed turning a cartwheel just the once, to celebrate a very specific occasion, but that part of the story had fallen by the wayside. Grandma, too, would have laughed and laughed at having been misconstrued as a habitual gymnast! 🤣
Love the thought of Grandma turning even ONE cartwheel, let alone perpetually exuberant ones. I am so delighted to hear everyone's very individual and let it be said, private views of what they've experienced or what they would like when comes the time.
Variety and just the way it should be. XXXX
❤️ Exactly so! xxx
Goodness, what an interesting life you’ve had Prue! With so many early experiences with death, it seems quite amazing that you carried such an optimistic outlook throughout your life!
I really appreciate your sharing your plans for when you’ve “shuffled off the mortal coil”—is that the phrase? It really inspired me regarding my own preferences when my time comes: like you, private and simple. I will to add a note to my Advanced Directive!
It's interesting that we all feel the same - simple and family-oriented. And in most cases, environmental.
Prue, thank you for this, for the bravery of writing it, for the clarity of thought, for the ideas and practicality. As so often happens, there are synchronicities here for me. I've got a draft going on death and dying, taken from a different angle but still... Maybe it's universally relevant at our ages?
My vision has always been a pine box and whatever piece of earth is accessible, but I realize that plants me in a place that may not be accessible to my kids (if they even want access!). That choice is driven largely by cost. Embalming is not required here in MD, so just wrap me in flowers or fabrics, sing, drink, eat, and know that I'm already planting seeds wherever I've arrived.
My husband wants a funeral pyre, not unlike your Viking Funeral but a little harder to manage from a regulatory perspective.
When we lost our precious pets, three to euthanasia, two without, we spent time with them before putting them in the earth. It gave us time to cry, to separate, to see that the vessels were now empty. It sounds horrifying in a world where we are so carefully shielded from death, but I'm convinced that was part of the beauty of the wake.
As whatever happens is for those present, not departed, I'm okay with whatever makes everyone else happy. Ha -- that's funny, right? I'm gone. Be happy! But there must be singing!
I like that you have a clear vision of what you want and that you stress happiness for those left behind. You're so right, what does a ceremony matter to us? We'll be gone. It's all for the loved ones.
My Viking funeral is of course, not possible. It's against the law. So I'm stuck with cremation but I would dearly love my ashes scattered at sea, in a bay that my family knows I love. Or, if I learn to basket weave, to craft a small Viking boat and re-burn my ashes the Viking way. I do have some lovely music I might list, and as for any wake, they must do what they want. As you say, please be happy. I want them to know that my life was everything I could want and more, that they provided the soft threads of love and their very being took those threads and wove them into a cloak of the finest kind that I wore every day.
That's all...
Your metaphor at the end...just perfect. <3
Well that was a very interesting read and lots of my thoughts put into words. Death is closer than I would like it to be and have already told my family no funeral. I don't want the big expensive show for everyone to be sad. Get them to take me away, cardboard coffin, cremate me and then have a celebration of life. Although if I'm well enough I would like a Departing party before I go :) My daughter wrote down some of my favourite music last week (mainly 60's soul )
Im ok talking about it. I too have seen a lot of death and no longer fear it. It's usually other people that won't talk about it, but I gently bring it up, to prepare them for the inevitable. I'm not all doom and gloom. At the moment I cannot l walk far, so just got my self a gopher and Im loving it. Even though it's way before my time, Im way too young for one, I'm going to enjoy every minute. I don't go as fast as all those old people speeding around , they fly past me :)
Sometimes it takes me a long time to get to my emails , but always enjoy reading your stories. Thank-you Prue
Maree, I hope you are still okay - you sound as if you still have plenty of spark for which I'm delighted.
I do think the idea of a celebration of life party is a good idea. Here, they call it a Living Wake. My Father-in-Law had one and he wasn't even ill but he was getting old and I think wanted to just celebrate with his remaining friends and with his family and just being alive. Perversely, it wasn't long after that he had a fatal heart attack in his car, driving across the paddock to the shearing shed. So his timing could be claimed to be spot-on.
I LOVE the idea of a gopher. I've told my kids I will have anything and everything to keep me mobile and outside. I've already used my mother's walker on three separate and critical occasions. It was WONDERFUL!
Thank you for reading my posts, Maree. I'm grateful to you for that and for taking the time to comment. Keep on keeping on! XXXX
Hi Prue and thank you for your kind words. Im very slowly improving my energy levels , there is a long way to go. I'm still in hope of a cure for my rare blood cancer. Im loving my gopher, not sure why my Mum is refusing to use one:) I'll definitely use any means possible to keep me going.
What a great idea for the Living Wake, I might have to consider that.
So nice that your Father-in Law got to celebrate with friends before he went upstairs.
Off now to bask in the sun before it disappears.
Maree
I must watch that Ray Martin show ... note to self. Well, we have something else in common - my grandfather was a funeral director too in a small country town near the Victorian border. He was also the town builder so my father always joked that he dealt with accommodation both in the now and the after.
Funny how carpenter/builders are the local funeral directors. Goes with the territory, I guess. And someone's got to do it.
Mind you, these days, with more natural funerals, direct commitals and cremations, I guess the demographic is changing quite radically. In a strange way, I find it all quite fascinating...
What does that say about me?
Do watch the Ray Martin doco, it's quite good and will prompt thoughts.