Exemplary is such a lovely word. Usually applied to people or things - “serving as a desirable model…’ Concise OED.
I think that when my oldest friend (the one that I went to primary school, high school, matriculation college and university with) died too early from breast cancer, it made me realise that friendship mustn’t ever be taken granted. Sue asked me to visit her at home on her sheep property two days before she died and I admit I was terrified of the intensity of the situation.
I knew she was going to be saying goodbye.
She took my hand in her own and made me promise to keep writing, to make sure my novels kept coming. She was so frail and yet her deep brown eyes sparkled (she had the most beautiful chocolate eyes) with powerful inner fortitude as she urged me on.
That is true friendship – as a very basic interpretation of the word says: ‘a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people.’ My friend had written her own eulogy and when it was read later in the church, she talked about our early days, how the ties of those naive days had stayed with us right to the end.
In my mind, my friend was exemplary.
When I left her that day, I drove through the property gates and a couple of kilometres further on, pulled over on the dirt road and just cried. Cried for her courage, for memories of our fabulous youth, and for her family.
But I have done as she instructed – kept writing, and apart from this newsletter, am now writing my 14th book. Most of my books depict the rigours of friendship - in the historical fictions- between knights, minstrels, common men, les religieuses… In the fantasies - relationships between the fey and with humans. In the contemporary novel - between men and women like you or me. Sometimes the friendships are destructive, but then some are simply… exemplary.
As I’ve progressed through life from that remarkable day with Sue, I’ve pushed myself to be open to forming new friendships. It’s not easy when one isn’t the most social person in the world so there’s not many – in fact very few really. And only ever with kindred spirits. Ones who really resonate. There’s a distant but delicate bell that chimes.
There’s nothing more warming than laughing with someone, seeing happiness etch across their face. Equally, there’s succour in recognising that someone is in pain and being able to empathise, to actually put an arm round a shoulder or touch a hand. Sue’s hand holding mine was one of the most memorable things of my life. It was… a bell ringing moment. Exemplary…
Bookshelves:
Same titles from last week and all such worthy titles.
On Kindle:
Nancy Klein Maguire The Monk’s Widow. This title is filled with depth and poignancy between friends - between a husband and a wife.
Nancy Bilyeau Fugitive Colours Another about friends. And enemies.
Audio:
Ben Kane’s King. If ever there was a novel of the power of friendship and loyalty, it is this.
No print reading currently apart from my favourite plant catalogues.
Watching:
Fabulous viewing both on free-to-air and streaming.
Borgen Series Four (On Netflix) Brilliant political drama set in the tinderbox of Northern European domestic and international politics. Binged this with husband as we’ve been fans of Borgen since it was first broadcast. Thrilled there was a 4th series and hoping there will be a 5th.
Griff’s Canadian Adventure (ABC 1-Australia) Beautiful, beautiful Canada. What’s not to like?
Boredom Busters:
A lovely stitching group and learning a new style of stitching - counted needlepoint. Counting is not my forte.
Making more hearts for http://1000hearts.com.au
Making apple chutney, followed by pear chutney followed by quince chutney and nectarine jam followed by…
Having more stitches removed after the operation. My ear shape is unattractive but the cancer is gone. C’est la vie. It’s a compromise, obviously. To have it made attractive will take another 2 hours in theatre and be even more painful. So it shall remain unattractive.
Walking, walking, walking.
I have the best boots purchased last year– two pairs of sheepskin lined boots which might just keep my chilblains at bay. They are super-comfortable and it means I can walk much further on a freezing day. Dog is over the moon!
Planning the work I need to do in my winter gardens which I’m missing.
Writing. Brother Bruno and Petrus - unique friends under threat.
Being amused by the term ‘Coastal Grandmother’. Apparently it’s an ‘aesthetic’. Ye Gods! There’s nothing aesthetic about me despite that I’m a true coastal grandmother. I must write a newsletter…
Substack Recommendations:
There is a theme. They’re about the recognition of the subtle things in life. The beauty that we are fortunate enough to be surrounded by. Nothing about the facile or the artificial. All about wisdom, strength, living in and with one’s surroundings and displaying empathy.
Great newsletters that enable one in every way.
Once again thank you so much for reading this far and please send my (free) words onward to anyone you think might enjoy them. Talk next week?
I hope so…
Its hard saying goodbye to a dear friend , re making new friends I believe that there are some people who come into your lives when they are meant too, and then become dear friends xxx