Bereft...

for Knots in the String...

I am bereft of my dog today.

He is in hospital for two days for a bladder operation.

Truthfully, I hadn’t realised how much of my day is filled with his presence and how much I gear my day to he and I enjoying it together.

I love him 11/10. More so, because this dog is different to every adored JRT I’ve ever had as he is a dog with special needs.

Most of our family and friends think I joke when I say that. They laugh and reply: ‘You’re not kidding!’ But he does have special needs and so the love I have for him seems bigger and more profound.

Born happy and fun and very in love with all humans and most dogs, he’s always been an intelligent canine. Flew through puppy school and early obedience and was a good achiever. But his kennel mate, our old JRT, was grumpy and had escalating unpleasant dementia. She became quite violent with the pup and twice, my husband and son had to step in and separate the dogs as our young fellow began to fight back.

Then to add insult to injury, at a Dog Social he was attacked by a black Labrador and bitten through to the edge of his spine. Even worse, on our own home patch, he was attacked while on a lead, twice by the same dog each time – a roaming Ridgeback. I remain terrified of unleashed dogs to this day.

He has been diagnosed with PTSD and we have spent his life working hard to help him with his many fears. We are there for him, reading the language of approaching dogs, strange things like scooters and people, and practicing safe walking in public. Not easy when most people don’t return the favour and couldn’t give two hoots about a dog that isn’t theirs.

So my dog relies on me.

But then, as I can tell today, I rely on him.

He gives my day its structure. Mornings except Tuesday when I have ballet class are always walking the dog and that can take an hour or more and we might walk miles. Evenings I spend at least 30-45 minutes walking no matter the weather. He’s intensified my love of walking, I show him that in the outdoors, all concerns fall away and he shows me the same thing back.

The beach is his haven – he learned that from me and there’s a thought thread between us – he knows what I’m thinking, what I’m about to do and watches to make sure he’s included.

Today and tonight, he is in hospital and I’m lost.

I beetled around running errands this morning, came home and felt the empty house echo with his absence and I cried on and off. I left the house again to buy food and tripped up a step and went flying across a public path. A young Asian student came rushing from a shop at the sight of this white-haired old woman sprawled on her knees asking if I was okay - so kind.

I can see my senses are awry and likely to remain so until I have my little terrier home.

He is my shadow, four little legs to my (obviously unstable) two, an additional sense I didn’t have. He’s my buddy and I’m glad I can give him back the love and companionship he gives me.

So yes, today I’m bereft…

Reading:

On Kindle, I’ve almost finished Nancy Bilyeau’s Fugitive Colours. I’m giving it 5 stars and I haven’t even reached the last page! Bilyeau is a consummate writer, I think

I’ve read more of Nancy Klein McGuire’s The Monk’s Widow and am in awe of the grit of Nancy and David as they progress through his illness. A testing memoir for sure, but so much to be learned from it.

On audio, Meg Bignell’s The Sparkle Pages narrated by Bignell herself – Bignell is a Tasmanian writer and the book is a kind of chick lit and good for mood lightening and for making me glad I’m over the midlife and mothering phase.

But in truth, I’m listening to a playlist I made from Spotify which is a combination of my favourite music from all the Coastal Grandmother’s playlists. Good music for soothing ruffled and bereft souls.

Watching:

Absolutely binge-ing Great Canal Journeys on Britbox with Prunella Scales and Timothy West. I love the repartee between husband and wife and I particularly love the way they twine strands of the greatest literature in the world through their journeys, spoken in their most perfect thespian way.

It's heavenly listening to the timbre of the spoken lines and today, I’m returning to read Shakespeare's Sonnets. Yesterday, I wish-listed a book on canal life.

The day before that, it was a desire to pull out all my Phillip Pullmans and read them again, along with frustration at waiting for the next in The Secret Commonwealth.

The series isn't just a journey through the greatest and most beautiful canals in the world, it's a journey through word and literature. Such a perfect combination.

My favourite canal journey thus far has been the stunning 350 mile sail from one side of Sweden to the other where they end up on the edge of the Baltic at my other heart-home - Sandhamn. And where they quote many deft lines from August Stringberg - another book of poems I need to buy.

What I find endearing and poignant is that Prunella Scales has dementia and one can see as the series progress, that the condition is escalating. But her spirit and his guidance and their combined intrepid courage make the diagnosis less fearsome and the prognosis something they will bravely cope with as time moves on. A lesson to we of approaching years.

Boredom Busters:

Busy grooming our gardens to our kind of perfection and we can now watch the gentle and undeniable move to spring which is less than 8 weeks away. Buds are fattening, some flowers are exposing rather early, veggie seeds and seedlings are growing a half inch a day. There’s so much hope in a garden…

I’m stitching too – lots of hearts of course, but also layers of linen chain stitch on this cushion to repair it and make sure the delicate shot-bronze of the organza doesn’t continue to fray.

And, I made the most luscious lemon ricotta and almond cake twice because we loved it so much. I have an over-supply of lemons so will make this cake again, along with lemon butter, and maybe even some lemon syrup.

But I’ll wait till my little Hairy McLairy is home to keep me company in the kitchen. I’ll feel more energetic and happier then…

Thanks for your company to the end of this epistle on the power of dogs. Feel free to share everywhere. It may give others some gentle entertainment.

See you next week.